Aha moments! When people find their soul calling, I love to see when people have these, especially when it pertains to their life, their direction and any inner knowing or understanding.
My aha moment when waking up was an amazing one but it had taken 34 years to happen and 10 years of actively looking for that moment, externally and internally. When I finally stopped looking for it, it appeared. But that aha moment wasn’t the last one I was going to have. The more I continued to learn, the more aha’s I had about myself, about others and about my direction. I finally understood what that deep desire within that I had for years was all about.
It all started to make sense.
Growing up I never had a sense of wanting to do anything specific with my life. Maybe be a model but I really just wanted to live my life. I had no real goals, no aspirations and no real fears either. I just figured like would take me where it needed to.
It wasn’t until I moved to Toronto at the age of 24 years old when I really started to feel things shift. I started to have a feeling of just wanting to help people. I wanted to be around people and always seemed to be that person people would come to air out their feelings or ask for advice. I found myself constantly creating side businesses that always had something to do with helping people in some way.
I did photography for families because I knew I had an eye and could take great photos for families to look at and smile at for years. Seeing the look on their faces and the messages of thanks and gratitude when they received the pictures, that made me happy.
Then I went to massage therapy – I wanted to help people feel relaxed because I knew how beneficial and amazing massages were. And that is what I did – I got my certification and other reaped the benefits. But, so did I. I could see the relief on their faces and in their bodies.
I don’t know how many websites I created for a future charitable organization I was going to start up. It was all to help people who needed help the most; families in need, kids who didn’t have a lot, animals that needed help. I can think of 4 times I went through with this…but failed.
I created groups for people to connect through. It’s hard to make friends or meet people and by me creating these groups, it would help others make those connections, those friends, those relationships. That group grew to over 5,000 people. Some of those people are still my friend today and some of those members even got married and had kids. It’s nice to know I was a part of something like that. But then I had kids and no longer had time to keep up with it.
I’ve crated a website strictly on doing random acts of kindness with myself and kids but then split with my husband and everything went on pause.
There are so many ways in which I tried to do things to help others but my ego got the best of me and I failed each and every time. But each time I failed, I got back up because for some reason, deep down inside, I knew that my calling was something related to helping others…I just needed to figure out what it was.
After the awakening, I had a pull to become a medium. Since spirit had gotten to me in the senses, I knew it was possible. I now knew that spirit existed and having been a lucky one to get that experience and notice it, I wanted to do it to. That experience lead me to a medium who changed everything around for me.
So here I was, focusing on being a medium. Doing all the work I had to and the most amazing things started to happen in my life. This was it – this was how I was going to help people.
But then the separation happened and I was now a single mother of a 6 month and a 3 year old. There was no doubt about it, my attention was now to be focused solely on them. I was no longer a priority to myself.
It’s been over three years since that separation and there were many times that I would sit and wonder why I was given that desire for the connection but to then suddenly have it taken away from me due to the separation. I questioned everything and I was mad. I figured life would just keep going, I would keep working my desk job and maybe when my kids grew up and moved out, maybe then I would be able to find something that made me feel whole again.
There have been many times in which I have fallen off the “spiritual bandwagon” because I gave up. I figured that was it – those past wonderful experiences I had with energy came and left just to show me that life wasn’t over once you lose your body. But every time I let go, the Universe would poke at me. They would do something to wake me up from my temporary slumber and remind me that I am still needed. This happened three times. I would get excited and energized and start working on my meditations again but then life happened, my job happened and I fell back into the humanly function many of us live our lives through daily. I was just living and parenting. There was nothing special I had to look forward to except seeing my kids.
Leading up to the end of 2019, I felt something was about to change. Honestly, I thought I was going to die. I started feeling things in my body, a calling to me but I couldn’t figure out why it was happening. I just had this deep sense that something was going to change and being a parent feeling like I was going to die, all I could think about was what steps I needed to take in order to ensure my kids would ave a wonderful life, the life I wanted to give them.
But that’s not what happened.
It was like something took over my body. My dreams became clearer and the voice within started to tell me that my time is coming for death, but not the death I was thinking. It was the death of the old thoughts, feelings and beliefs I was having and I was about to step into a new me; my Self.
One morning I woke up knowing that I was about to make a change. The desire I had for so long was about to come back but come back tenfold. Things I didn’t know I wanted or ever felt I wanted to do started coming to the surface.
If I was going to lead this life, I was going to have to make some changes. I was going to have to learn, apply those learnings to my life and share it so others could see. But in order to do that, I needed to stop caring about anyone else and what they thought about me. A big fear of mine which stopped me from pursuing anything spiritual was because I was concerned about what people thought of me. I didn’t want backlash, I didn’t want negativity. I didn’t want people talking negatively about me. After all, I was here to be of light and love.
My last aha moment was realizing that by me allowing those thoughts and fear to enter into me, I was blocking myself from living my full life and my potential. I was allowing everyone to run my life, my desire, my calling because I was afraid of what they would think about me. What have they done so great in their lives or in mine to warrant me limiting myself just to keep them happy?
And if they did, nothing is worth suppressing what you are called to do in this world.
Each of us has something special in us. Each of us has come here to do something. You just have to be able to find it, to listen within, to keep pushing through with that deep soul calling you feel within. When you feel so deeply about something, when you feel a pull to do something, it’s your soul, your Self trying to get your attention to listen to those feelings and act upon them.
When you do get that feeling, just run with it. Don’t let anyone stop you – no matter what they try to say or how they make you feel This is your life, don’t let them take away that in which will make you feel whole.
Stop limiting yourself. Stop limiting others.
What is your aha moment? Have you felt that feeling that pulls you towards something? Is something stopping you or have you been able to successfully fill that desire?